Another day done, and OH am I glad for 5 days off.

Last week was inventory at my work, so I worked 4 days instead of just 2.  Not a big deal considering the kids were in school, so we didn't have the struggles of Jase trying to deal with ALL of them while I was gone...(I am sometimes like Jimminy Cricket, reminding Jase when to chill, when to 'engage' and break up the kid warfare, etc.)  Only problem with working all those day... all the stuff I usually get accomplished while they're all away from the house, piled up instead.  Eventually I'll get them all better and pitching in.  AND that that doesn't refer to what to do with their dirty laundry, but to HELPING their poor, tired MOM.

I've now done my 2 days for THIS week, and am looking forward to catching up on all sorts of things.... laundry, sleeping, garage sorting, cleaning my room, napping, sewing, veggin' out in front of the t.v., getting rid of distractions in the kids rooms, maybe even making a new chore chart,  and taking lazy time to ignore the chaos around me. 

----------

*I would just like to note that those who are currently still very strongly effected by memories of combat experiences from a war zone, more specifically, those that have been in explosions, should NOT live within ear shot to the LIVE RANGE where they practice BLOWING STUFF UP!  UGH.  If you do, is there anyway to be placed on a warning list, so spouses or family members can be prepared for a long night?

As I sit here, for a second night in a row, I can hear the helicopters flying overhead for their night training.  Please no live fire tonight, oh please.!!

For those of you that don't know, live fire is whey they shoot their guns, or, in this case, use real ammunition to blow stuff up.  They have to train somewhere, and Jason used to be a SMAW gunner, which is an anti-tank assaultman.  SO he's done his fair share of blowing the smithereens out of stuff. 

Anywho, last night Jason'd been in bed for maybe 45 minutes, and he SHOULD have been sound asleep with the meds he's taking.  I heard him jump out of bed and come running downstairs.  "Did you hear that?  How close was it?"  I had been talking with Curtis, who had suddenly remembered he hadn't put his jeans in the dryer, so came down to rotate laundry at nearly 10pm.  IN the end, I realized that they're doing night maneuvers, and the impact of the explosions had not only been heard, but shook the bedroom windows.  The panic it triggered in Jase took a LONG time of me working and talking him down, getting him to relax, and hoping he'd go to sleep.  (If you think I was even CONSIDERING trying to go to sleep with him not snoring up a storm to guarantee to me he was NOT getting up, your batty.)  He couldn't relax enough to go back to sleep and decided he was REALLY hungry, and he was craving a grilled cheese sandwich.  Clearly I refused to let HIM cook, so I got up, made him some grilled cheese, and watched some t.v. with him.  Silly man absolutely insisted on a second sandwich, and made it himself because I told him I wasn't cleaning up after he get's sick from eating MORE this time of night.  He said "my body's craving a grilled cheese, so clearly there's something in it I NEED.  I gotta have another."  Sure, whatever you say hun.  At last, 2 sandwiches AND some nachos later, it was 12:30 and he suddenly realized I had to get to bed because I had to go to work in the morning.  He told me he knew the mortars weren't insurgents trying to bomb US, and that the helicopters weren't flying towards any insurgents, they were just training, so he could sleep.  Ahhhh, yesssssss.

This morning, the only thing he remembered was the first set of explosions he'd heard.  The rest, foggy bits here and there sound familiar as I talk with him, but most of it...not a clue.  He actually thought he was getting the flu or something when he woke up with a REALLY sick stomach.  I told him what he'd ate - OH was he relieved, mostly.  TO say the least, we are now BOTH eager for his doctor appointment on Friday.  SOMEthing is going on that he's now progressed to getting up, feeling the need to eat, and actually carrying on conversations he doesn't have a clue about the next day.  (thanks alot to the doctors that warned me eventually he might even get up and DRIVE in his sleep....NOW I'm feeling SO much better about the fact that we HAVE to keep all his stuff in specific places thanks to his memory troubles.  The upside: I know where his keys are at all times.  The downside: so does HE, even in his sleep.  PRAY it doesn't get to that point, and I'll find the door chime/alarm and put it on the door, then we can ALL sleep better. :o)

------------------------------------------

Two good things for ME with this WONDERFUL assignment to WWBn.  They have help for ME too.  Whew.  I love the help of my therapist, and that she reminds me that thanks to a good sense of humor, I'm still WAY better off then most of the people dealing with the Mountain of stress factors beyond my control.  I love that I get to interact MUCH more closely with ALL the doctors that are involved with Jason's care, and tonight, I LOVE that I get to go to some of the training Jason gets to try and help ME too.

We started a mental relaxation class (I think it's got a cooler name, but it's late and I dont' remember it.)  Lesson one: listen to music while closing your eyes, and focus on one PART of the music, the drum, flute, etc. Use this to center yourself and train your mind to block out all other thoughts.  Very cool stuff!  WAY hard for me to actually do though.  THANK goodness she warned us it's totally normal and not to get mad or frustrated at ALL the thoughts that will work their way in.  Just remind yourself to focus on the music.  Jason had to "plant" his feet to keep from falling out of his chair...TBI side effect, remember, bad balance=falling over when eyes are closed. For me, I literally felt like inside my brain, between the brain and skull, something started twisting and swirling around my head over and over, making me super dizzy.  That's when I realized I NEVER can stop my brain.  DUH, that's why I've got sleeping pills.  WHen I finally stop at night, my thoughts kick into overdrive.  Granted, I rarely TAKE said sleeping pills due to Jason's newest upgrade in nightly activity, so - THIS is a good thing for me to try.  Any reason to force myself to STOP for 5-10 minutes even, THAT is a good thing.

SO, hopefully I'll think to write more about the kids or something one of these days.  Just that they're driving me bonkers and I don't want to complain, so I'm waiting for something funny, interesting, or wacky to write about.  Like I said, I'm glad for 5 days off!  I'll see what thoughts I can hold on to to share with you all.

Till then.... Have a lovely night. 

--Take Care

The Lighter Side

Jason told me I should be sure to write down the funny or interesting things that he sometimes does in his sleep, so that we can be sure to have a record of the Lighter Side of dealing with combat PTSD and the stories we get to tell.

I've shared about Jason being asleep in the closet.  A few weeks ago Jason was asleep with ALL the covers, on the floor, part way under his side of the bed.  I walked in to see him there, the bed only with the fitted sheet on it, and me trying not to giggle as I attempted to figure out how to get him BACK into bed AND reclaim the covers.  Hmmm.  I DID consider getting additional covers for myself, and just leaving him to continue his peaceful sleep on the floor, because he was ontop of his body pillow, so it's not like he was suffering on a hard floor.  (though, that doesn't phase him in the slightest.)  I ended up untangling the covers from him, which led me to the conclusion that he MUST have just roooolllllled out of the bed and landed on his body pillow, preventing injury, or loud thud, and allowing him to continue to sleep the night away.  I re-made the bed, and it only took about 15 minutes to get Jason to get up off the floor, NOT fall over, and climb back up into his spot on the bed.  Whew -- .

Okay, so Last night we had a funny New thing happen.  As I said at the end of yesterday's post, I heard Jason up and down, so I went to go see what was up. He was just hot, and tossing and turning.  He was sound asleep moments later, so I figured I'd take a shower and let myself sleep in a little in the morning.  I get out of the shower, open the bathroom door, and -- NO Jason in the bed.  Hmmm???  He doesn't like to use the bathroom with the light on at night because it feels like a massive spotlight to his eyes, so I thought maybe he was in the kids bathroom.  NOPE!  Hmmm???  I'm thinking to myself - please oh please let this be funny not scary.  I quickly got dressed, while checking closet, floor, and hall closet.  As I was turning the hall light on to check that closet, I realized my cat was looking at me, then down the stairs, then back at me...like she was telling me where to go, NOT that she was interesting in going downstairs.  THEN -- I heard it...Crunch! Chomp, chomp, chomp.  CRUNCH!!! CHomp CHomp CHOMP.  CRRRUUUNNNCH!!  What the Heck?

As I walk down the stairs, "Jason?", and see him sitting, eyes shut, "staring" at the t.v., bag of chips in hand, speed eating them as he chomps LOUDLY away.  I asked him what he was doing as I slowly sat on the love seat about an arms length away from him on the the other couch.

"I'm watchin' Camando, with Arnold Schwartzenager."

"Oh, uh, okay.  Can I have the chips please?"

"Oh, ya want some.  They're really gooooood." and he tilts the bag my direction.  As I tried to take the bag from him, he put a death grip on the bottom.  He was NOT going to let go. 

"Jason, do you know where you are?"

"Pfffttt. Yeah! (with uh-duh kind of attitude) I'm in the chow hall."

"No dear, you're in the living room and we have to get up for work tomorrow." 

"I'm At the dam! uh?! (the Haditha Dam in Iraq where he went "home" most of his deployment between patrols.) I wanted to take in one last movie before we head out tomorrow on patrol in Haqlanayah.  Stupid 2 week patrols, they suck!"

I'm trying not to giggle at this point...and he's STILL chomping away at the chips between answers, AND is "looking" back and forth from me to "the movie" - still eyelids totally shut.

"Jason, do you know who I am?"

He scrunches up his face in confusion.

"Jason, you're going to get REALLY bad heartburn if you keep eating those chips before bed.  Can I please have the bag?"

This seamed to trigger him out of it a little, as he handed me the bag, and started to mumble, "huh" to himself while "looking around" to "see" where he was. 

"Jason, do you know who I am?"

"Uh, YEAHHH, yer my WIFE! (again, with UH DUH attitude.)"

"Do you know where you are?"

"In the LIV-INGGG ROOMMM."

"Jason?"

He suddenly blinked, opened his eyes - well, it was a squint, but they weren't closed and oblivious to what was NO going on.  He asked, "Why are we down here?" then, before I could answer, he said, "Oh MAN I had the weirdest dream.  I dreamt I was in the chow hall.."

"...at the dam."

"Yeah. And we were getting ready to go to, uhh..."

"...Haqlanayah?"

"Uh, yeah, and I was with Johnny and we were watch this movie..."

"Yeah, Commando."

"Hey?"

"Hunny, it was a dream, but you were down here eating chips and talking to me."

"OH GREAT, now I'm sleep eating.  I'm gonna get FAT."

We chatted a bit longer while he worked on waking up enough to get himself up the stairs to bed.  Nearly missed the bed when he went to sit on it, but I managed to get him all the way into bed.  He had NO recollection of all of this having been anything OTHER then a dream until I told him the story this morning.  He had the kids got QUITE a kick out of it, and I know not to jump to ANY conclusions about WHO ate all the chips.  he he he.

(I will now openly admit - that moments like this, while very funny and you MUST take every opportunity you can to laugh when dealing with Jason's struggles - but these are the reasons I don't like to take a sleeping pill for ME, nor do I fall fully asleep at night.  If you see the extra luggage under my eyes, you know why.  I don't freak out, I just have to talk away the concern till I fall asleep, and be grateful for the simplicity in resolving where he was.)

SO - another busy day at work tomorrow.  I managed to luck out, and today I just had to be the lone worker half the day -- Yeah for patient fabric store patrons, who willingly waited their turns at the cash register or cutting table as I ran back and forth while the managers finished up all they could to prepare for INVENTORY - dun du DAHHH.  ugh.  Once we got really busy, they stepped in quickly where needed, but OH are my legs feeling the burn from the workout I gave them today.  I'm REALLY hoping that tomorrow I get to hide and do the inventory work, NOT the customer work. 

Good Night Everyone :o).

What to say?...

When I started this, I wanted it to be some sort of journal I could have printed up and save for my kids to have some memories, as well as a way to encourage myself to find positive things to dwell on and savor for those days that aren't quite as easy to get thru.  I absolutely LOVE to hop around and read the blogs being kept by friends I've made thru the years, as well as those kept by the wonderful people I spent my teenage years with. 

So I ask...how many of you face the computer screen when you can FINALLY get to it, and totally FORGET absolutely Every Single thought you had that you just couldn't wait to write about to hold on to, or those funny things you just HAD to share.  ARGE!!  In my frustration with my struggle to think clearly and remember things lately (side effect of having to think overtime for all those that are not able or WILLING to think for themselves) I decided to blog-hop and hopefully get inspired.

Ya know what I found?  Having time off for winter break has apparently kept nearly EVERYONE away from their computers.  Yeah, for everyone, but a bummer when I'm looking for something interesting.  There's only so much Zuma or Peggle or solitaire one person can play before feeling like you yourself are going to start becoming a video game.

-----

Okay, 2 kid things to mark before I forget.  First, Zacky made it thru his very first New Years.  All the kids stayed up and we watched movies, played games, ate junk food, drew, (I didn't ... I crochet when they all draw.) and had a good time till about half past 11.  That's when the kids chose the countdown channel that seemed the most fun, and the last 30 minutes FLEW by.  At about 12:05, we started to say goodnight, and Jason found this cool special on the Blue Man Group.  We ALL got excited, resumed our spots on the couches and floor, and enjoyed that till 1am.  By this point, Craigan, Zacky, and I were ALL on the verge of becoming walking zombies, so OFF to bed we went.  I think everyone else went then too, but honestly, don't remember and dont' much care.  Everyone was safely in bed snoozin' when I woke up, and Zacky was thrilled to have been able to tough it out with the big kids!

Secondly, Robbie is becoming quite the runner.  The other day we went exploring not too far from our house.  Jason had noticed a spot where LOTS of runners and mountain bikers would turn off the main road, and we saw a sign for something or other Nature Trail and something.  Okay, let's check it out.  We explored paved trails as well as unpaved ones that wove in and out of the woods, along the river, AND conveniently right up to the back end of Craigan's school.  This meant that we don't have to drive around to the start of the path if we don't want to.  We all ran little races in spurts throughout our excursion.  Craigan and I raced, and he started to giggle too much to keep running.  Hey, he was beating me, but I guess it was funny that I wouldn't stop before HE gave up.

Anyway, so Jason and I were both just feeling crummy today, and even though it's Sunday, I knew he'd perk up if he went for a run.  He took Robbie and Randy with him, and off they went for a 4 mile (give or take) run along the trails and pathways we'd discovered.  Normally, Jason has to walk quite a bit here and there to give the kids a breather when he takes them running with him.  Robbie actually ran the ENTIRE thing, and Jase let HER set the pace for coming home.  Now, I think it was the thrill of the new running sneakers I bought her the other day JUST to wear running with dad, but she set a pretty fast pace home, and maintained it the entire last mile and a half!  Randy was bushed, Jason impressed, and Robbie quickly zoned out sitting on the couch after cooling off.  The kids want to go more often, and I'm looking forward to this week getting over (working every day due to inventory -- sounds thrilling huh?) .. so I can get out there with Jason and at least walk for an hour.  I'm inspired by Sarah and Belinda to get out and run, but in an effort to not break or damage something, I'll start with regular walks I think.

Anyway, inspite having taken his sleeping pills, I can hear Jason wandering back and forth in our room.  Hmm, maybe the change in sleeping pills wasn't the best change?!  Better go see what's up and get myself into bed.  Tomorrow, back to a normal routine that includes waking up LONG before 10am.

I hope you all had a wonderful winter break, and I will somehow figure out how to remember my interesting stuff to share more often.