Another quiet evening.

Well, guess I should have titled it 'Another quiet Night', since it's nearly midnight.  I've been thoroughly enjoying relaxing and crocheting and watching movies on the Hallmark channel.  Everyone went to bed tonight with smiles and only one "goodnight".  For Craigan and Zyzax to get to bed and actually stay there the first time, that's one of those mini-miracle moments a Mom just LOVES.

My week has been absolutely nutty, and even though I feel like I did a LOT, I sort of also feel like I barely did anything, other then drive here and there and all over again.  Jason's been having more trouble with his short term memory, so I am working hard to keep close track of changes to what's up with his doctor appointments and such.  Luckily, thanks to his new blackberry (I still can't believe we actually got one of those.) he just adds everything to his calendar, and no matter where he is (or will be before hand) he sets his reminder alarm to go off giving him 5-15 minutes to get ready and leave ontime.  Le'me Tell ya, that thing is Saving MY life not needing to keep on him or keep track. 

They've got Jason in with so many medical things now.  They're trying to sort out exactly what has happened to his brain from the impact of the IED's he was effected by.  (His convoy was hit more then once, and other details I'm not good at remembering because he tells me in the car driving here and there.  By the time we get home I'm as forgetful as he is. - great, there's no hope for the poor kids. lol)  Anyway, so apparently the brain injuries, to whatever degree they "officially" state it all to be, have effected Jason's balance, and he's now in physical therapy to work on retraining his brain and body to work together. 

I hate that he's struggling with all of this, and he is getting SO frustrated because with ALL he tries to do as he's told in hopes of getting better, he feels like they just keep discovering more and more and more that's been damaged.  It totally sucks to not be able, literally, to DO anything to MAKE this any better.  I can help ease the stress or strains, or even keep him focused so he doesn't loose his train of thought when talking about something.  Still the same, while my love and support helps him get thru, it doesn't make him better.  I can't take this away, and there's no time limit - which is a frustration for him I can't alleviate.  I'm really thankful we believe in Eternal Families, because I joke alot that it's easy to get thru him while he's nutty and forgetful, because this'll be the easy part  - just get ready for the eternal part where there are NO physical body ailments to get in the way.  I may not have the resources to steal the family away from life and take a long vacation to catch our breaths for a while, but we all still have our faith, our family, and our sense of humor.  Gotta keep that humor intact or you're a major sinking ship in this battle.

Stubborn as I am to actually go to a doctor or anyone for ME, thanks to the services available thru the Wounded Warriors, even I am now finally under medical care to help me cope with all the changes and stresses.  They've done the whatever somethin'or'other testing to see where I'm at mentally (so, do YOU ever feel like YOU leave your body? Do you sometimes think you are an animal?)  Luckily, there were more "normal" questions too... do you feel depressed? Do you love you mother/father? Do you enjoy Any of the hobbies you used to?  Do you sleep fitfully?  Okay, those questions I didn't giggle at.  Moving on... yesterday I got to meet with the medical doctor to find out about IF I needed any sorts of meds to help me cope, or could I continue my insanely stubborn streak of insisting that I can NOT be medicated at the same time my husband is.  My kids need me clear minded.  Well, then I realized I'm so exhausted many times from not being able to get my brain to turn off at night, that I didn't sleep well, so I wasn't even kinda sorta clear minded.  Maybe I needed to hear the doctor out.

Grumble, hufff, and fluff and stuff - guess no matter how hard I tried and tried to be strong for my family and no matter HOW determined I was to NOT let this get me. . . I realized that even though I know FULL well things like Okinawa with 5 kids and hardly a husband home with no family around, along with ALL Jason's going thru, DID break my spirits.  I've admitted that before.  But I was SO sure if I just stuck it out I KNEW I'd get thru okay on my own.  WHY?  If there's help out there, why in the world should I - yet again - struggle thru something without help?  That's just foolish, don't ya think?  After nearly an hour discussions about this medicine, and that, and the good and the bad to each, and the purpose to them, and what I should expect, I got a prescription for sleeping pills (though he knows I refuse to take them very often - for now anyway.) as well as a prescription for Zoloft.  I thought I was fine with the decision, till I had to take that first pill this morning.  Took me staring at it reminding myself of the potential for some more peaceful feelings to reside within me, not so much worry creeping in at all hours. 

So friends, hopefully I'll see some good results in 6-8 weeks, and cross your fingers and say a prayer I don't get any nasty side affects.  Say a prayer for Jason that he will begin to SEE and FEEL the positive results of ALL his different therapies and training for coping with stress, so that he can ENJOY more in life again.  And we attended the Marine Corps Ball last weekend, so If I haven't posted a picture by next week, someone remind me please. (Thinking for me AND Jason, AND all the kids 'cause they don't want to bother...whew that gets exhausting, and my memory takes a hike - why can't it just take a NAP?)

OH, a nap, doesn't that sound just lovely?  Now that I'm up past midnight I'm thinking bed is exactly what I need to enjoy the rest of this night.  Along with a BIG, LONG, Comfy sleep IN.  Ahh, yeah, that sounds relaxing.